Over the past 25 years, Madonna has inspired many, infuriated more, and ingrained herself in the public consciousness with such force of will that she's become a favorite subject of academia. Every suggestive lyric, every bright new hairdo, every playful crotch grab is fodder for college courses, daylong seminars, even entire books by scholars looking to make a buck off arguably the most famous woman in the world.

Christopher Ciccone is not one of those scholars. He's a great tattletale, though. Life With My Sister Madonna arrives at an inauspicious time for the 49-year-old pop star, who's been batting away rumors of an extramarital affair with New York Yankees slugger Alex Rodriguez. For E! News fanatics and sun worshippers in need of a good beach read, it's hard to beat.